The Hidden Memories Of Rose
by CynStar
Summary: An alien doctor gives the Doctor some interesting information about Rose's personal life and feelings toward the Doctor - but how will they both respond? Rated M for later chapters. First Doctor Who story, so please feel free to read and comment. :
1. Chapter 1

"Hello sweetheart," he tells me kindly, as he sits down next to me and gives me the cup of tea he just spent several minutes making in the kitchen. "Feeling any better at all?"

"Not really," I reply, knowing he was so good at working with other human beings (especially me) that he would know if I was lying or not. It was no use to hide anything from him; somehow, he would always know if I wasn't feeling so hot. But the thing was, I did feel hot… it's just that I didn't ever want him to know. He fact that he knew I was feeling hot, and… bothered… well, it bothered me, too. I was only just now calmed down enough from my embarrassment to look him fully in both eyes again. That alien doctor, the other alien doctor he had talked with… she had betrayed me. She had told him something about me at this moment, this horribly timed moment, that I would never have wanted him to know. It was literally just bad timing…

Being on that planet was horrible. We were taken captive, but only to be studied - the aliens had limited experience with humans, and somehow the female doctor on this planet who was charged with examining us was acquainted with the Doctor. He and I were separated and I was examined from head to toe, while they studied the physiology. I spent my time not so much worried about being naked, but about the fact that this physician had the ability to read my thoughts - and even connect them with biological states of my own body. I had wondered if the Doctor had been through a similar exam experience, but she left me to talk with him about my 'medical condition,' to 'warn and advise him.' You would think I was a rabid animal. Before I could stop her from telling him what she had told me, she left me alone in the exam room - and I was still strapped to my own exam table.

But now, here I was, with the time lord doctor who now knew my shame. And what was the Doctor doing about it now, 45 minutes later, after we were allowed to board the TARDIS and jettison ourselves back into deep space? Doing something surprisingly normal, actually - making me tea. And now sitting next to me, right next to me, more close than I figured he would have wanted to be, given what that horrible alien doctor had said about me. He hands me the tea, in my favorite red mug.

"So then," he said after a moment or two, breaking me gently out of my thoughts. "We're still going to be traveling together a lot, I hope, so I really do think we need to discuss what the other doctor said."

"You're quite right," I reply. "After all, I still want to travel with you." I was just saying this to fill in space; I knew he was just trying to be gentle, and I was going with it. However, he was soon ready to say the rest.

"I know that you're uncomfortable-"

"I am, I'm sorry."

"It's nothing to apologize about!" he exclaims, before becoming calm and soothing again. He reaches over for a moment to take my hand, before realizing I've got both of my own clinging around the mug. He withdraws, deciding to play with his own fingers instead, making a pyramid out of his fingers. "Listen, Rose. There is no reason to feel badly about what the other doctor said. She's known for exaggerating, for making things sound way worse or more extravagant than they actually are. Do you know what I mean? What she said…"

"Honestly, doctor," I butt in before getting too cowardly, "I could lie and go along with what you have heard about what the alien doctor is known for, but then I would be living more of a lie instead of simply dealing with the truth now." I take a deep breath. "As bad as she made things sound, for the most part, they are true."

He bites his lips for a moment, and I know that he is trying to figure out the proper words to say. Usually it isn't so hard for him, but this situation is unique. "Rose… I know." I look up to him, and he nods, giving me a special comforting look with those sweet brown eyes. "I know that it's almost all true; I just wanted to be sure you wanted to go that honest route. Now that I know you do, that makes me feel much better."

"I…" I try to talk about the topic again, but the words simply fail to come out of my mouth. "I… I seem to want…"

"You want to have my children, essentially," he throws out there. I withdraw from the conversation, sinking down lower into my seat, trying not to cry with embarrassment again. "You really, really have the urge to actually become pregnant. With my children! Mine!" He looks at me for a moment longer, before gently tucking a piece of hair behind my ear. "Just my own." I know he's still thinking, so I don't say a word; I try to remain quiet while he's thinking. But right now, instead of fighting to keep quiet, I have no trouble at all; I do not know what to tell him, so it is easy to be silent.

"Rose," he tells me a moment later, "I know how you must be feeling."

"Oh doctor, you can't possibly know," I reply. If he was trying to make me feel better by saying that, it really wasn't working out so well. How could he possibly know how I was feeling? He was the Doctor. An alien life form. How could he, of all people, know what I was feeling? Then again, he was hardly ever wrong.

"Naw, no, Rose," he says, trying to get me to direct my attention onto him once again. He was always patient with me, but seemed to be more so now. "Please don't make a big deal out of any of this, alright? It's not that big of a deal." He reaches over to take my hand, and gives it a squeeze as he smiles to me, those big chocolate-brown eyes focused only on me. He stroked the back of my hand with his thumb, little circles, soothing me and keeping me focused on him. "Please, sweetheart, there's no need to feel embarrassed, really!" But when he says that, new tears are stinging my eyes once again - and he knows I'm going to need more reassurance. "Really, sweetheart. What is it that's bothering you so much?"

"It only bothers me that you know." I wanted to just be honest with it, so that hopefully he would just leave it alone. But of course, that would just be too easy for him. "Why does it bother you?" he asks, innocently enough.

"It's just embarrassing."

"But that's the thing - why is it so embarrassing to you?" he asks. When he looks up at me with those innocent eyes again, I can't help but stutter in response, "Because, I... I... oh, Doctor." I hang my head, unable to get the words out. But he continues to wait, ever patiently now, truly wanting me to answer as candidly as possible. I finally look back up to him, whispering, "I never wanted you to know."

"Oh, Rose. My dear Rose." He squeezes my hand and scoots a little bit closer to me. "I know you're a more secretive person just by your natural personality, and it was definitely not right of the other doctor to say a word about that to me, you're right. But at the same time, you and I... we travel together. We're alone most of the time. We get cooped up together. And not to be mean or anything, my darling, and I mean this in the best way possible..." He looks me in the eyes. "You're human, and as a human you all express so many wonderful, vacillating, interesting emotions. Sometimes they seem to become absolutely overwhelming. I can relate to that, even. Not to mention human beings seem to be quite good at procreation, and have many emotions connected to that. I think this is just another one of them, Rose. We are going to learn private things about each other eventually, and I can only hope you trust me enough to let that happen."

"Nothing could be more personal," I state, feeling my anger toward that female doctor boiling up in me once again. "Anything else would have been better. Anything."

"Well, it's not as though you said something horrible about me," he smiles. I look up at him and he explains, getting a bit more serious again, "You see, Rose, it's not like you had much of anything bad to say about me, no! Quite the opposite. And if you're thinking in tems of purely sexual thought, that might be a different case. And while purely sexual thought may be all fine and good on its own, what the doctor told me was quite fascinating to me." When he said this, I realized I didn't know exactly what the doctor had told the Doctor about; only that he knew I wanted to have his babies. What else had that doctor said about me? "What did she say?" I ask, only hoping he would give me the answer. At this point, he scoots closer to me still. He looks up at me, the space between us close and intimate. He was establishing a comfortable and private space between us, even though we were alone in the middle of a galaxy in the TARDIS. Still, though, I appreciate his efforts, even though they were making me squirm a bit.

"That doctor told me that you were filled with more than just sexual desire," he said, "although she made sure to tell me that it was definitely present." I blushed anew, burning as though I was on fire. "However, she also said that the desires you were feeling were only your body's response to wanting to do something you find very important on a subconscious level - that is, wanting to bear children with my DNA, to keep my blood line going in whatever way you could. Because your body can feel my body, and you see my human body, and I feel nothing but fully human to you. And you are struggling subconsciously on so many levels to fight it, but she told me that you are actually physically prepared to fertilize your eggs with any contribution I can give them... in the name of keeping me alive and living on. For good." I keep my head down the entire time he says all of this, unable to look at him, because it was all so maddeningly true.

"That's not such a bad thing," he comforts me. "Really, it's not."

"Oh, come on! Imagine how it must feel to be me right now," I try to explain, trying to take the focus off of my burning face for a moment or two. "Imagine feeling that way about someone else, knowing that it is impossible and improbable to do. It just doesn't make any sense, but I can't seem to stop it. I would stop it if only I knew how!"

"I don't think you're supposed to stop basic biology," he says with a smile. "Now, why don't you get some work done? Get your mind off things. We can talk more about this later, but for now we really need to get that repair work. The TARDIS, she gets impatient." And with that, he was off - and I was still left with a million racing thoughts. Little did I know that this situation was far from being over.


	2. Chapter 2

Update: Second chapter! Let me know if you would like to see more, and I will post the next chapter. Any ideas or suggestions will be considered as well; I'm flexible with the plot, and I like to keep things fun and interesting.

Finally, after working a few hours alone on the TARDIS (he was elsewhere in the ship working on other issues), I got some private time in my bedroom to go to bed - even though I didn't want to sleep at all yet. I was tired, but my mind was racing too much to ever allow for sleep, at least for a few more hours. To make things even more jarring, I realized that there was now a package lying at the foot of my bed. The covers of my bed had been pulled back, as well, ready for sleep - so neatly done, this was all quite obviously the doctor's work, both setting up the bed and wrapping what looked like a present - just for me. This made my heart feel as though it were aglow! He could really be sweet sometimes. I gingerly unwrapped the package, smiling brilliantly at the care he took to wrap it so carefully and correctly. Each fold in the paper was perfectly measured and creased. Even though it looked perfect, I knew he could have done so naturally, without having to use a lot of effort. I opened the lid to find...

"Oh my god." The expression that came off of my lips was one of shock and a bit of horror, and disbelief - not joy. "Oh, my, goodness." I would have asked myself what I was going to do this with this gift, but it was obvious what I was supposed to do with it. It was a single-purpose item, that was for sure. No more than one function. Inside, there was a note, just as carefully folded as the wrapping paper. I hastily opened it, wanting to get to the words of explanation that were likely written within.

_"Dearest Rose,_

_I know that today's conversation was difficult - and I am sorry you had to go through this, us being captured on that alien planet with that doctor after all. However, I thought it would be just rude- to not help you out somehow; after all, we are in extenuating circumstances being on a time travelling space ship. It's not like you can go out and find a boyfriend - sorry about that. However, according to what I know, this really can help!_

_I do hope that you won't be offended. You do not have to tell me about it if you don't want to, and I will never bring it up. Although of course, you can mention anything to me, at any time. Quite literally!"_

It was unsigned, but who would need to sign it? We were the only ones in the TARDIS in the middle of space. I stared down at the object again, holding it in my hands. It was still wrapped in its plastic packaging, ready for first time use. At the bottom of the box, I also found a little bottle of useful liquid to go with the main object. It was a dildo. It was an actual dildo, which was ready for use by me at any time. It was purple, and perfectly sized and shaped to my liking (how could he possibly know about those kinds of preferences of mine? I was kind of scared to even find out - but perhaps it was just a lucky guess of his.) I noticed he had taken the care to pick a nice mid-sized one, and one that didn't exactly look like a penis - it was not so obvious, that way. Perhaps even the Doctor would have been embarrassed to give me something that obviously looked like a cock - although he never seemed to have any shame. I supposed being 900 years old would give one enough to time to become shameless about sexual practices, so perhaps his choice of an ambiguous purple non-phallic looking dildo was to spare _me_ from having any more shame.

Strangely enough, I felt the need to talk with him about this, right now. I grabbed the box, stuffed the contents back into it, and half-ran through the TARDIS until I reached his suite door. I knocked quickly, before I lost my resolve and ran away. My suite door and his suite door were the only two doors we had to knock on in the TARDIS, because we simply needed our privacy. We would never get along without that rule - and he must have thought the same, because he had started it in the first place.

"Come in," he called from somewhere further back in the room. I opened it and walked in, finding him sitting at his desk working on heaven only knows what papers were scattered about. He was dressed down a bit, his coat off and lying on a nearby chair, his tie loosened a bit. He was obviously getting ready for bed, but still couldn't put his projects down for the night. However, he saw the box in my hands and dropped his pen as he stood up and moved toward me. "Are you here to talk about that?"

"Only to ask why you did it," I reply, because that was the first thing that came to my head. "You didn't really have to do a thing like this."

"I thought I explained," he replied, but he didn't say it in a rude way. He sat down on a nearby couch, and patted the seat for me to do the same. I obeyed, and he took the package from me. He looked into the package and found the note. He was still wearing his reading glasses, so as he picked it up and looked to me he was looking over the top of those black frames. The soft dimmed lights of his bedroom meant he was getting ready for bed, but instead they made everything look slightly seductive. "Did you get the note?" he asks. I nod. He puts the paper down, and takes his glasses off.

"I just wanted you to feel a bit more... satisfied," he tells me, leaning back on the couch. When I begin to blush (it's surprising I hadn't before that point), he leans over to stroke my cheek, looking at me with concern. Almost as though he were my mother, checking to see if I were all right. "I know, this is very private. That's why I gave it to you like this, in a box. I didn't want you to feel pressured, but to know it was there... if you needed it."

"But why do you care so much?" I finally blurt out. After all, the question has been brewing in my head for quite some time - I just hadn't realized it until that point. So many questions - and so little time to ponder them. "Why do you want me to have it?"

"Is my explanation not believable or good enough?" he asks in reply. "Rose, all I want to do is help you. That's all! I promise. I don't want you to go wonky in the TARDIS, and I figured that this would be an easier, less emotional fix than both of us actually being together, right? Keeps things less complicated, eh?" I say nothing, processing this information. "Soon things will be set to rights again, Rose, so there's no need to worry too much."

"I just don't want to cause you so much trouble." I look down and away.

"Oh no! No no no," he responds, more energetic now. He was trying his best to cheer me up. "It's not like that, it really isn't. It's just that I didn't know, before today, that you ever thought of me in that way. That's all. I don't know that anybody else on the TARDIS even wanted anything to do with me like that. As far as they're concerned, I'm just an alien from another galaxy." I still say nothing - not out of anger, but simply being out of words to say. He lowers his voice to just a murmur, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear, trying make eye contact with me. "I am honored, though. I truly am."

"Honored about what?" I can't help asking the question, despite keeping my eyes focused on the floor. His words were so comforting, but I refused to believe them.

"Well, the fact that you feel so strongly for me!" he says, in his most chipper voice, trying to resist giggling - and beginning to fail at that. For some reason, this statement combined by the sound of him trying not to titter made me blush hardest of all; I put my hand over my mouth, trying to hide the dorky smile I felt emerging on my lips. "Oh, Rose; lovely, lovely Rose. You are always so beautiful." I see his little smile out of the corner of my eye. "Whenever you blush like that, it makes me wonder if you were blushing that much when you were born - perhaps that's where your parents got your name from, after all!"

"Oh, don't say things like that; they only make me laugh and blush even further!" I burst out, looking to him, smiling widely through my tears, trying to suppress those said giggles, but failing and falling into peals of laughter with him. This was exactly what he wanted - for me to relax. He wraps me in a warm embrace after a moment, but as he starts to let go, we both realize that I am still holding on. I wrap my arms more securely around him, more snugly, resting my head against his chest. Here, of all places, was the absolute safest place I would ever be in my entire life. He resists letting go, and wraps his arms around me again, letting me sink in further. I inhale slowly, the slow breathing therapeutic enough with the slightly musky, wonderful scent of the Doctor making its way in, soothing me, comforting me. He rubs my back with one hand, holding me close to him with the other. The feeling of being pressed protectively against his chest was nothing short of pure comfort and bliss. He moves to place his hands gently to my temples, cradling me, his eyes so close to my own, massaging my scalp so soothingly. I found myself rather warm and sleepy, and slowly I realized he must be doing some kind of magic work of his on me. He had the ability to make humans fall asleep at his will; I had seen it before, with other 'patients' of his. This thought floods my mind, realizing what might actually be happening. "Doctor..."

"Shhh, hush now," comes his soft reply. "Just let me, Rose. Just trust me." And just as quickly as a dose of morphine, I am lost in the comforting dark depths of sleep.


	3. Chapter 3

**Author's Note: Here's chapter 3! I see there are a few of you who are interested in this story, so I'll post the last few chapters soon. For now, here is chapter 3. Any reviews are much appreciated! **

Upon awakening, I realize I'm still wearing the clothes I was in the night before. I am safely tucked into bed, the covers securely tucked in around my body. Apparently I had slept so well, I didn't even move. Not knowing what time it is, I step out of bed and make my way toward my personal bathroom. I spend a load of time in the shower, sudsing up my hair and washing with a lovely scented body wash the Doctor had picked up from me on a different planet. In a haze, my mind wanders through a fog of thoughts that usually go through my head whenever I'm in the shower.

The Doctor. Suddenly, I remember how I fell asleep; it all comes flooding back to me. The conversation had been left in a rather awkward state; we didn't even get a chance to finish talking. I wondered how much work it must have taken him to get me into the safety of my bed, to pull the covers up over me... then again, he was the one who ended up putting me to sleep before I had a chance to get into bed, so it wasn't exactly my fault. I quickly finish my shower and dress, and out of curiosity, I take a closer look around my bed. After looking for that box, I couldn't find it anywhere. Perhaps he had kept it, or decided to take it away from me after the previous night. For some reason, I found this troubling, but couldn't decide whether to ignore it, or ask him about it. For now, though, it was probably best to just act natural.

I went down to breakfast after dressing and found him sitting at the table like normal, eating toast and reading one of his many books. It was the normal time of morning for both of us to be up, so I didn't oversleep like I thought I might have. He passes me the marmalade as I sit down at the table, without me having to ask. "Morning, then!"

"Good morning," I reply rather carefully, pouring the coffee into my mug before beginning to spread the marmalade across the perfectly toasted bread he made just moments before for me. I knew he had just pulled them out of the toasting machine; they were almost too hot to touch.

"Have a good rest then?" he asked me, looking over his reading glasses to get a look at me. He was chipper; almost too chipper. I didn't know how to respond to his question. If I answered it honestly, we would be having another conversation. Then again, he would probably bring it up over and over until I finally acknowledged the situation. Yes, it was best to get it over with. "Well, Doctor, you were the one who caused me to fall so suddenly to sleep - so you must know that I slept well."

"I guessed as much - but it's always polite to ask." He smiled brilliantly, but there was a knowing look in his eyes. He knew how much I had needed his help and comfort last night. Hopefully he didn't think it was weak - I somehow let my emotions really get the best of me, in a very personal way.

"And are you upset because of what I did?" he asks. I can't distinguish whether he's playing around or being serious - perhaps that meant he was being a mix of both those emotions. "No, not exactly," I manage to reply. "I just..."

"Yes?"

"Well, I just think it was a bit... unnecessary. That's all."

"Unnecessary? You were tired and upset. There wasn't a chance you were going to get a single wink of sleep any time soon," he states so matter-of-factly you would think he was refuting someone who attempted to argue that the sun revolves about the earth. "And even if you had fallen asleep, I doubt it would have been as deep and peaceful as that was, would it now?"

"You're probably right, like usual," I finally reply, feeling glum. In reality, though, I felt weak. It wasn't just unnecessary to my eyes, but it also had the potential for looking weak in his eyes. And then, I realized something else. Once I was asleep, and in such a deep sleep, did he read my memories and thoughts? After all, he had the ability to read minds... I could feel my throat seizing up. If he ever did that to me... the things he might see, the secrets he might learn...

"What's wrong?" he suddenly asks, looking a bit alarmed; I am probably more pale than normal, with the thoughts running through my head. I had to ask him, or it was going to make me crazy - but now, the words were refusing to come out, and he starts to jump out of his seat towards me. "Rose? Rose, what is it? Did you choke? Are you choking?"

"No!" I finally manage to gasp out, although I felt breathless - however, it was my own thoughts that had stolen my breath from me, not a bit of bread lodged in my throat. He grabs me by the shoulder, looking to me with concern. "What is it?"

"Did you read my mind last night after you put me asleep?" The way the words rushed out of my mouth so quickly made me wonder if he thought I was going crazy. He cocked his head, watching me carefully for a moment before quickly shaking his head. "No, Rose, I didn't. Why would I do that? I wouldn't do that to you, not unless it was absolutely essential - I thought you knew I would never violate your trust like that, not ever. At least, not unless you wanted me to." The way he said this, the way his eyebrows betrayed his calm voice and made me wonder if he was feeling a bit sad - it made me sad, and upset at myself for having mistrusted and upset him. I rush in and hug him, my eyes beginning to water up. "I'm so sorry, so so sorry, Doctor. I don't know why - I just got so worried - I fell asleep without meaning to, and you have that ability, and - I didn't know -"

"Shhh - s'all right," he tells me. He seems to be comforting me the same way he did last night, but without the hands on my temples this time. He feels the tension in my shoulders and gives me a quick rub on the back. "No, don't worry - it's all right, trust me."

"No it's not!" I choke out. The tears were beginning to roll down my cheeks at last. He would officially think I was over-emotional and weak now. There was nothing more I could do. I wanted to be strong, but the embarrassment I now felt every time I was around him was making it rather difficult to even be in his presence. Somehow, through my tears, I voice this exact thought to him. "I'm so sorry, Doctor, I'm so so sorry," I finish, burying my head in his chest. I rest there a moment, enjoying the peaceful feeling of his embrace again. His hearts beat steadily in his chest, calming me.

"Don't be sorry," he murmurs. We sit quietly for a moment, and I know he's thinking hard about something. "Rose?"

"Yes?" I sniff, wiping tears out of my eyes, still clinging to his chest and listening to his hearts.

"Perhaps the best solution to all of this is for me to just read these thoughts. Just let me see it all, and then there will be nothing between us," he says. "This sort of mistrust and embarrassment could be lethal for one or both of us if we're outside the TARDIS. Does that make sense to you?" I feel my stomach do flips - but eventually, I nod in consent. He embraces me in a hug, saying, "Tonight, then. We'll wait until we're stable in the outer depths of some nice calm galaxy, where there's the littlest chance of any disturbance. It should only take a few moments. All right?" I just nod again. Now I only had to wait until the evening for him to see everything – and watch his reaction to it all.

And it was going to kill me.


End file.
